why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
