we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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