I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
do herpes really smell.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
