haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
