it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
