the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
