Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
