I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize