Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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