How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
