I met the friendliest cop last night
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
