omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
