mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
