Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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