wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
