last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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