i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
