I'm so fucking centered right now
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize