my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
