i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
