Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
