but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
