Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize