were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
