I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
