This is not my ceiling
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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