her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize