I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
jump out the window naked night went bad
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
