Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
