Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
