i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
