Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
