and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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