yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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