it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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