is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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