the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
