Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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