your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize