Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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