I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
