My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The feeling are messing with the penis
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
