Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
