i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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