I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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