It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
