That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize