marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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