Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
