well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
