Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
