Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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