a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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