chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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