I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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