This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
