There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize