that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have demons in me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
