thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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