Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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