So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
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