Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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