I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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