PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My ATM looks so different sober.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
