The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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