I think I won the penis lottery.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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