Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
