Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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