At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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