How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She's the barista slut.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
