I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
