And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
