So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize