His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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