I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
