i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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