when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she woke up with a sticky ear
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
