we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
