i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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