I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
