we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
