I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
