look no pants
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize