I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize