the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
