Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
