Don't worry. I has chaperone.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
