I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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