I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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