I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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