This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
