I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
