they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
