he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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