I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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