I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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