the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
