I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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