It's Friday. Sex?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
