Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
