Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
